First, a brief clarification that was recently drawn to my attention. While I state in a few different places that I'm uninterested in idle chit-chat or otherwise inane blather, that doesn't mean I'm uninterested in actual conversation. I'm not looking for "hey, how are you, what r u doin" blah blah. If you're contacting me, it's because you found me on a kink site, and I've already made it pretty clear in whatever profile/page you found me on what I'm looking for, and it's definitely not a buddy. Let's just cut right to the point, and that's why I usually have some basic directions about what your first message to me should include: your limits (hard and soft) and that you're aware I'm a trans man and a basic understanding of what that means.

What this does NOT mean is that I expect limited responses, such as one-word/sentence answers. While I know I am verbose, I don't expect everyone else to be, but I do expect complete responses, and that includes giving me back content in which to respond. I shouldn't feel like having a conversation with you requires pulling teeth – having to ask question after question just to get a full response. This is a guaranteed way to end our discussion promptly.

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I say this constantly – both on my pages/profiles and during chats – one of the major reasons the search for a decent slave has taken so long is because of one-sided chatting.

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1. This is your life and well-being that's meant to take a significant change and, if done right, is meant to be the last free-will decision you make as a human. This is a serious matter and shouldn't be handled flippantly. While I get there are many with a desire to "just disappear" and they don't care what could/would happen to them once they're "taken," and I'm sure there's plenty of idiots out there who will happily fulfill that "kidnap/disappear" desire, I am not one of them. I, on the other hand, have not just decades of lifestyle experience but also "common" sense enough to know that the fantasy and the reality are rarely, if ever, the same thing. Also, I've found a dispoportionate amount of those (especially among cis men) are either too chicken shit to actually commit and need to be "forced" and, if that's the case, there's a significant legal risk to the "taker/forcer" when this "kidnappee" decides the reality isn't as fun as the fantasy they worked up in their head and decides to run away and call the police. Or, they are often part of a family (parents or spouse/kids) or aren't financially stable enough to even get their own bus ticket and want the "dom" to handle everything for them. While that is typically the dom's job in a dynamic, this part is not, and it's often just an excuse to make someone else responsible/liable for your failing and getting you out of a situation you're too pathetic to deal with on your own.

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This isn't to say this is ALL the people who desire this kind of "get started" scenario, but in the countless years of talking with people on and offline, it is an alarming number that turn out to be like this.

 

2. The basic point is – if you're this reckless with making such a serious decision, what's to say you won't be as reckless and dangerous with handling things for your dom? They could never trust you with anything of importance, and you'd be little more than dead weight. What's the point of having dead weight around other than to have a fuck hole whenever you want? Might as well just go to a sex theater or use a hookup app for a quick fuck without the hassle.

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3. THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON – you need to know if it's a good match on your end, too. If you're looking for someone who will fulfill your desires of heavy bondage, gimping, and sadistic suffering but you can't be bothered to get to know them and decide to sell/dispose of your stuff to show up at their place only to find out they just want some domestic work and some fun fucking you're going to be pretty unsatisfied and screw over the dom too as you'd likely just wind up leaving. And then you'll likely boo hoo online about how you got rid of everything to be with this dom, and they weren't what you expected, and now you have nowhere to go, and it's all their fault. No, no, it's not.

 

4. How are you going to know if you can serve a dom's specific wants/needs if you don't know what they are? Most people enjoy being pleasured sexually, whether it's by using someone else or having that person perform specific acts on/to/for them. Again, a fuck is a fuck – there are plenty of ways for someone to get their basic needs met that don't require the complicated responsibility of taking on the ownership of another. More often than not, a dom will have many and varied kinds of needs and wants, whether it's to help them with their business needs, domestically, or some might even need care due to disability or other limitations. They might be able to fuck and beat the hell out of you most of the time, but do you know if they're in a wheelchair and will need mobility and some personal care assistance as part of your service to them?

 

5. When you enter into a dynamic, especially a more extreme one like M/s, the dom is meant to be the slave's entire (or nearly so) focus. Pleasing the dominant in whatever way (no matter how boringly non-sexual/kinky it might be) should be the slave's utmost priority. How can someone be your "world," your "god," your "everything," if you don't even know what their favorite drink is or plan to cook for them, if you never ask if they have any allergies?

 

You don't have to hammer a potential dom with a million questions, but you DO have to ACTIVELY engage. What do they like to do in their free time? Never heard of that thing (or only know a little about it – then you should research it to learn more about it so you can engage with your dom about the activity). Favorite books, movies, shows, games? Do they like/hate coffee/tea? How do they like it? What's their go-to order? Seasonal favorites? Favorite/most hated food? Allergies to foods, medications, environmental? Does the dom have any physical limitations, such as a bad back or arthritis that might cause them to be unable to perform certain tasks during a flare-up or at all? Do they have any mental health issues, and if so, are there any specific triggers that the slave should be aware of to avoid or things to do that would help? Does the dom have family that they're close with or might engage in activities with? If so, how will the slave be expected to perform/behave if around them, or will the slave be "put away" or left back at home during family visits?

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I can't tell you the number of times I've written about "not being one-sided" in profiles/pages, but also the number of times I've mentioned it during chats. Also, if I start to see that the chat is being fairly one-sided after a bit, I will start to pepper in open-ended statements that are great opportunities for a potential slave to use for asking questions or to seek out additional details.

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If you're of the mentality that you'll "learn about it as you go" while serving, not only are you doing yourself and your potential dom a disservice and just being lazy, you're putting both of you at great risk. Way too often, people have been hurt (regardless of which side of the coin they're on) because of miscommunication, which often manifests as "assumptions." Even if a slave says something like "I love pain" but also has little to no experience – welllllll, odds are they might consider OTK about as much pain as they can handle, while a dom might think they can use a bullwhip/single tail until the slave is bloody. Not only is each body's processing of pain stimuli different every tool/toy we use produces different sensations. A flogger and a tail are dramatically different sensations, and while someone might be able to handle an hour of being beaten with a latigo flogger, they might only last two lashes with a tail.

 

Take the time to get to know your potential dominant and make the best match possible. If you just want kinky fucking then say that and find a kinky fucker who just wants the occasional nasty fun or periodic sessions. Don't misrepresent and don't be fucking lazy.