I see this statement time and again but let’s be real (and literal) – it’s not sexy. It is, however, a necessity. If it’s sexy for you then that’s all well and good and you keep on keeping on. But I hate that people use this statement as a way to enforce the importance of or as a way to lure people into accepting consent overall. There should be no need to lure anyone into accepting consent. It is the first and last thing in any interaction – kink, vanilla, friendship, or even just passerby. It’s also really not a difficult concept to understand so there should be no need to dress it up as something alluring by using phrases like “consent is sexy.” In fact, I’d even go so far as to say those who do believe it is sexy are also problematic because they’ve been forced to believe and operate in a society that teaches them that someone who respects consent is somehow more attractive rather than it just being the foundation of our society. 

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I get it – sadly consent is NOT the foundation, it is NOT the common ground, it is NOT the assumption. But when we dress up this fact by using phrases like this we’re also covering up that fact and pretending the problem doesn’t exist.

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Kink is a lifestyle. Kinksters are a community unto themselves. We operate with core principles of Safe, Sane, and CONSENSUAL (SSC) or even RACK – Risk Aware CONSENSUAL Kink. The problem is, too many – especially these days – predators and abusers are using our community to operate and lure more susceptible victims. Kink is all about consent – even when it’s deal with non-con. That kink has been often referred to simply as “non-con” but it’s actually CNC or Con-Non-Con – that first “C” word is very important. Even if you want to surrender every ounce of control and free will to someone you are still CONSENTING to do that. And, let’s be real again, you can withdraw that consent at any time no matter how “no way out” you want to believe it is. 

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All that being said - I, personally, will never use such phrases. I will, however, always ensure that your consent is obtained. In fact, I often ask repeatedly and will phrase things repeatedly and in different ways to make sure you aren’t just consenting but are absolutely crystal clear on what you’re consenting to. Once again, you do you, but on my page and in my chats I will never use such terms and this is why.

Just some food for thought