As the great Douglas Adams once said, “DON’T PANIC!”

 

There are a lot of folks, particularly younger ones, that are on here to explore their desires. Many use this as a place of refuge, under the cover of relative anonymity, to express things that get them hot and horny without really having to face these desires in real life. It’s like a release valve to de-stress from the day-to-day bullshit most experience. Some, however, are toying with the idea of wanting to explore some/all of these kinks in real life as the allure of it often becomes too much to ignore. So, they seek out someone to chat with, see if there’s a good click and any viable potential to connect in real life. Some will want to start with some basic rules to follow via online/chat with someone and often these chats will get pretty hot and heavy in the first week.

 

It's exciting! Talk about your kinks and fantasies, considering how fantasies can become reality. According to the “Handbook of Clinical Neurology,” there is a thing called ‘sex brain’ where “…when sexually aroused, cerebral activations and inhibitions in the brain influence cognitive, motivational, emotional, and autonomic networks.” Essentially, all that hot and exciting talk about finally getting the chance to live out your deepest, darkest desires means your brain is functioning in a different capacity then when you’re not all revved up on hormones. 

 

But… then after about one week of heavy chatting the panic sets in. Spending time in an otherwise non-horny state allows you to reassess your desires. It often results in you thinking about all the many things you’ll be giving up and the void that will create in your life. How all these expectations you’ve been chatting about will happen all of a sudden and that if you take that step into reality then this wall of submission comes crashing into place and suddenly your whole life is over and a new one begins. These thoughts tend to spiral and create anxiety and a panic wherein the person will usually ghost out of chats, delete their kik/wickr and blogs. Some are kind enough to say “this is too much” or “it’s not what I thought it would be” or whatever else before discontinuing (which is the nicer way to do it). 

 

Here's the thing. That sense of void? That sense of a wall slamming down and your life drastically and suddenly changing? It’s not really like that. While the conversations can get hot and heavy, even intense, it’s important to realize that nothing is instantaneous. Besides, where’s the fun in that? The fun part is the journey and all of the little things and moments down the road to submission that is exciting for both sides. For me, I love watching the slow transformation of someone as their trust grows deeper and deeper and thus their submission grows just as deep. The day-to-day aspects and watching someone grow into what they’ve always wanted to be and all the steps that are needed to make each one of those fantasies a reality. The training, the rituals, the protocols, and even just the daily mundanity are all part of the overall result and that result doesn’t happen in a day. And the idea behind the process of training and working with someone to bring out their truest and most free self is that there is no imbalance created. A good dominant will be drawing out certain things while replacing them at the same time with something else that’s fulfilling. 

 

Since I have a unique way of life where I live pretty freely and stress-free, it’s a very simple and relaxed existence. Regarding someone who wants to surrender to me, there’s the balance of – yes, you’ll be leaving your apartment/home but you won’t have to worry about paying rent/mortgage, utilities, and so forth. While you will be following my orders and tending to my personal and sexual needs/desires you will also be fulfilling your own such needs while also getting to explore the country and spend the majority of your days hiking/geocaching, kayaking, snorkeling, visiting tourist attractions or whatever else. As one thing is removed from your life it is replaced with something else and thus preventing that sense of void. But it goes deeper than that. The idea is that through the steady training and living in submission you will feel fulfilled on a deeper more soulful level because you can tune out the excess noise of the world around you, narrow your focus on yourself through serving another. 

 

Just remember – it doesn’t all happen instantly. The idea is to not create a void. Yes, it can/will be intense at times but that just heightens the entire experience. If you feel the panic (usually around the one-week mark) don’t let it consume you. Ask to take some time, maybe chat a little less often, or if there’s a particular topic that especially gets to you then ask to avoid that topic for a little bit. Ultimately, you always have to do what is right and comfortable for you and if that means disappearing then so be it – but it’s not always the best way to handle things. The important thing I’m trying to stress here is that the panic happens, it’s understandable, and it’s not always as scary as the panic is making you believe.